Rihanna ( and other young women )

I was just reading a yahoo news story, one of many about Rihanna and I have watched with interest and concern as her story has unfolded in the media's lens.

It is hard not to feel uncomfortable sometimes when reading these stories even when they are sympathetic because it is easy to feel the undercurrent of thought . People it seems, wonder why she would go back to him?, why is she talking about it in her songs?, why drag it out into the media?,and now the question I am hearing is, why would she get involved with a man like that in the first place? After all, she has talked about how her father beat her mother and how she was terrified to sleep at night ,and told herself she would never marry a man like her father.

There is a strong tendency to judge women who already have had to survive this kind of terror, our society judges these women as deserving of what they get if they go back to the men that hurt them. The mildest form of this judgement usually is expressed as a shaking of the head in dismay and a (genuine) sympathy.

I would like to add something valuable to the conversation as a woman who has lived through some domestic violence myself and come out the other side. I want to say this because in the past I have wondered myself why women go back, why they don't leave, why do they begin relationships with these types anyway?
A key to better understanding is to realize first of all that some women do not possess these answers themselves.

Women like men, are comfortable with what is familiar. One of the biggest fears any society or individual faces is the fear of the unknown. So it should follow that women would be comfortable with a man like their father, even if a woman hates her father she may still end up finding some of his masculine traits attractive when she sees them in other men( without realizing it of course ). These traits are part of the script of life for all of us whether good or bad.

Something that also rings true for me is that when you are taught or told something about yourself by a parent, male or female, that is negative you will believe it. My father and I never got along. I heard alot of negative messages from him when I was a child, not just about who I was, but specifically as a female. I hated hearing the horrible things and I didn't want to believe that about myself but because it was my father telling me these things and my mother not putting up any kind of argument for me, I thought somewhere inside that it must be true. I can't say the pain this has caused me with work relationships, school, friends and strangers. I had that bad script playing itself over and over again in my head each time I encountered an obstacle in any relationship. So I blamed every bad thing that happened on myself, I took it all in. I waited for other people to give me approval rather than believing in myself. I asked other people what to do instead of believing in my instincts. I let other people take advantage of me because no one ever stood up for me so I didn't believe that I was worth standing up for, or even worse, that I had the right to.

So it makes perfect sense to me why she would go back to Chris Brown, and why she would be attracted to him in the first place. I don't mean that I think it was healthy, not anymore than I was healthy for choosing a man for a husband that didn't respect me, but it is the fortunate few that realize in time exactly how to take the steps to breaking the pattern, or to rise above your raising. The process of learning takes time and hard work. That is true for women and men, for men are also victims of domestic violence in the sense that a young boy has his world shattered by seeing his mother brutalized by his father. He hates what he sees but what other example does he have? what other male figure? Most of us only have one human father, and it is important that the example is healthy parents who have love and self-control among many other good qualities.

Young women like Rihanna need more support, strengthening and understanding, they need also the room to make mistakes, just as we give men the room to make mistakes. They do not need our judgement. If you can change that script you can change your opinion of yourself.

The Fox is officially watching the Hen House

I happened upon an excellent blog and a great post recently. The title asked whether or not the gender gap exists in fashion.

http://www.teacup.topstitched.com.au/2009/11/the-gender-gap-does-it-exist-in-fashion/


I pounced on the opportunity to get something out in the open that has been nagging my mind for awhile, sometimes it takes the right person or set of circumstances to bring up what is in someone's heart.
The author was talking about how in the fashion industry, men have so many more of the higher paying jobs, and that fashion design has been dominated especially in recent years, primarily by gay male designers and that because those who dole out opportunities for exposure to the media and advancement in the fields of fashion, give preferential treatment to gay male designers because there is a persistent belief that gay men know better what women want from thier apparel than women designers do.

I believe that this is  propaganda that has been viciously aggrandized by male fashion designers and the mainstream has accepted it wholeheartedly, because it's easy to get people to agree on the subject of women being inferior at something.

It is unfortunate that an industry supposedly made for women ( and one that is so lucrative ) is so good at oppressing them.

I remember watching one particular episode of Project Runway  a few years back, where the contestant Wendy Pepper was torn apart by judge Michael Kors. He looked at her with what was clearly a jealous outrage in his eyes and said  " Is this supposed to be about you as a woman?!"  Well, clearly the fact that she is a woman and the fact that the clothes are going to be worn by a woman might have some value? I couldn't believe that he was that angry. I questioned then and there the real purpose of this show and the motives and intentions of Michael Kors. I at least question his ability to judge that show if he is so misogynistic and  threatened by the unique perspective that women will always be able to bring to being a women's clothing designer.

I think that the chase for prominence and market power is the excuse for this woman hating behavior to parade itself so shamelessly in all of our publications, tv shows and other media. I am tired of hearing this confidence eroding lie spouted by people in fashion, women deserve respect, not to be marginalized and silenced  yet again by the industry that is supposed to serve our whims and desires. Where is the outrage by women leaders in the fashion industry against such degradation?

Of course if you ask some gay male designers what they think, they will say that they think they are better at it, and come up with elaborate philosophies as to why,  none of which are particularly well thought out.

I hope that women out there who are struggling with their creative aspirations and endeavors will not allow this  type of thinking to chip away at thier confidence. Women need reasons to feel good about themselves and their intrinsic value. I know I certainly could have used a "shot in the arm" when I was younger and if I had not believed myself that women were not as artistically apt as men I would have started my own career with much more gusto and ambition.

I hope this link and article reach female artists to give confidence.

ANIMALS, lovely reflections of our Creators personality

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ysKAVyXi0J4


This video is so sweet it made me cry. It's just one of the myriad reasons I love animals.

I was inspired to write to my cat.


ODE TO MY CAT

I jokingly refer to you as "Furchild" because you have loved me like a daughter would.
I look forward to seeing you each day when I get home,because sometimes the smallest things mean so much.
Your tiny voice reminds me that sometimes a whisper can be more powerful than a scream.
The fact that you show me love despite not being able to use words proves that actions mean more.
and being a cat makes you that much more interesting and curious of all the creatures I have had the pleasure of knowing.
The confidence of your catness reminds me that I should always strive to be myself because it's the best that I can be .
The independence of your feline nature assures me that you chose to love me of your own free will.


Okay, I know, I'm obessed with my cat, but she's so darn cute I can't help it!

VELOCIRAPTOR QUEEN-- my latest goof off with GIMP

When I was a child I was obsessed with animals and the powers they have that far surpass the abilities of humans. I wasted a lot of time in elementary school imagining that I was a dinosaur, a horse or a bird so I could fly off out the window.

My childish flights of imagination have found a better creative outlet with photo editing and seeing as Jurassic Park is one of my favorite movies I thought I would fashion myself as the fearsome velociraptor. I added the idea of the queen remembering that Michael Crichton had described in his novels the velociraptors as being a matriarchal society.

This photo looks a little creepy but it sure was fun to put all that makeup on and slick my hair back with tons of Aveda paste!!!


I used several layers, paintbrushes of various opacities and sizes and a few different filter effects.

I am wearing a ( superimposed ) necklace from my Etsy shop.

More fun with GIMP . . .

This is the new avatar I just finished tonight for my Etsy shop, I thought I would try to make things a little clearer since the avatar is small( 75 by 75) pixels.

This was done with layers, transparency and my own photography.

Also I used theatrical makeup as the basis for a good photo, because it always looks better with an excellent photograph as the foundation.

I know it's small but, This is my " NASA" rocket on it's way to crashing into the moon:)

I made this avater for Etsy with a really wonderful FREE!!! program called GIMP. I am having so much fun with this and it is such a blessing for those of us that can't afford around 2000 dollars for Adobe software sets! ( this program will do alot of the things that Adobe photoshop does ) They offer tutorials that are easy to follow.

In this picture I used layers to cut out the jewelry and placed it over a photo of the sunset I took out on our farm a few days ago. I used the spark tool to make a fireworks display  and make a moon.

On style sans riches

I found this jacket at the thrift store for 4 dollars

I  have always been the type of person to be very aware of and concerned with my physical  surroundings, not just how safe and clean they are but how delightful  and aesthetically pleasing they are or could be. I even fussed over these thoughts as a young child and often I used art to bring into my life what I felt it lacked. We were never a wealthy family but I grew up living close by to a wealthy area and I was able to enjoy some of the finer things that life has to offer from time to time, maybe because of the kindness of relatives or just taking a walk through these beautiful areas and window shopping for the life I aspired to.

Now that I am an adult woman with much more perspective and now that I have gotten to know my likes and dislikes quite well, more than ever I always want to tell people to feel good about themselves regardless of wealth because from what I have experienced, money does not buy taste or style.

To be more concrete with my example, Clothing. I love, like most gals to look at fashion and the magazines and aspire to be fashionable too. But fashion can be ridiculous in it's expectations  and can also be influenced by the viewpoints of people that may have unreal ideas about women and what women want.( Think of some of the ridiculous S+M fashions that come and go ).  I have found that with a few dollars you can go down to the local thrift store and find a gorgeous vintage blazer made with excellent craftship and 100 % wool. I put it on with a comfortable thin tee, a cool necklace and my most flattering pair of twenty dollar jeans I found at Marshalls and I feel like a million bucks because 1. it's comfortable 2. it's my individual expression and 3. fit is everything! I remember reading somewhere that even a 3000 dollar Chanel suit can look terrible or cheap if it doesn't fit right.

How do you feel about fashion, luxury and money? Tell me your thoughts.

What life has taught me about self-empowerment

Have you ever been in one of those lovely domestic situations where someone is being so difficult and manipulative on purpose that your eyes just glaze over and you feel like you are floating off to Cancun as the sound of that persons voice fades into the oblivion of your frustration ?. . . . . .well tonight was one of those nights for me and I thought, "Ughhh ! Not again, how can this not be my 'mess' to clean up? ".

I talked a little about this in the intro of my blog, how I feel better about my ability to navigate life and really learned my own value and to like myself, partially through a miserable situation with my new home in Wisconsin and ironically from watching my husband move like a linebacker through the social landscape. Sometimes people are just lazy or they are scared, and maybe not willing to look at their own flaws and this can cause alot of misery to sensitive and honest people who will unfortunately take all the manipulation inward and beat themselves up for being , weak, stupid, a pushover, socially inept or worst of all unloveable.

 I highly recommend a technique I learned in a book called, The Gentle art of verbal self defense by Suzette Haden Elgin. She talks about identifying and using different ways of communicating and one of them is called Computer mode( how fitting ). In my particular situation I have learned to, as one person put it   " pull back the lens " on a situation, I give myself a minute to silently say simply, " Wait just a minute".  This works really well because the person who is manipulating and driving at you is looking for an emotional breakdown from you because it makes it so easy for them to then say " See, I can't talk to you when you are like this", Crazy making , Right? . . . . . Well, . . .  not anymore.   Ms. Haden Elgin describes Computer mode as , you guessed it, emotionally flat ( on the outside anyway ) responses that give the attacked person a chance to hold thier ground while they can safely assess the true feelings and intentions of the manipulator. Some people don't realize the extent to which they manipulate.

Or as my husband would say, " Turn it back around on those jokers" He always reminded me that they were just saying cruel things to take the focus of themselves. My husband taught me through both good lessons and bad that everyone is on the same level, everyone feels insecure about certain things and if someone is judging you with particular vehemence, just make fun of them!

This a feel good picture for the evening .  . . .

Iradj Moini makes the most exquisite adornments!

All things... by vaultofheaven

MINNEAPOLIS HAS STYLE!

                           This is a view of Downtown Minneapolis from the southern side of Lake Calhoun ( in Sept )

 I am back in Minneapolis now looking for work, this difficult economic time has forced me to move back here to look for work. I really love this city, it is so clean and beautiful! The small size of Minneapolis is appealing too. It is a city full of lakes, parks, bike and walking/running  paths, small shops, indie restaurants, and art museums. I am hoping to grow my design label here in the artistic community.

Justice!

I just signed up for Twitter and was scrolling through the menu of feeds when I happened upon the U.S. Dept of Justice feed. It seemed funny at first that the DOJ had a Twitter feed but we live in changing, turbulent times when everyone is a celebrity ( Jon and Kate, Survivor, Twitter, blogs:). . . )check out the mix of celebrities and "civilians" on Twitter and it is so alien that it makes your head spin to see everyone on the same level. Maybe I sound naive though.

Getting back to the DOJ, I decided to subscribe because after taking a look at the list of headlines I was really interested. The feed is full of need to know( or want to know) facts about all aspects of justice in the U.S. I highly recommend this for any lover of justice, which I have always been. One I just read, " top 10 facts about Females victims of Violence"
This is the kind of information that empowers the people and I'm glad that the internet makes it so accessible.
It is like Angelina Jolie's tattoo,  " know your rights".

A cozy styleboard of ideas for the season

Windy City by vaultofheaven

Style from Kaboodle

Pink and Purple... by vaultofheaven

This website is free to register and use. I love playing with the styleboards. You can window shop to your hearts content and create your own style pages to share. I love this eighties inspired look I put it together with my marked favorites.

Karl Lagerfeld insults his largest audience

I saw the recent reports on Karl Lagerfeld and his comments defending the use of underweight models and how noone wants to see curvy women. I felt I must stick up for my gals, because I love fashion and beauty and I have admired Karl Lagerfeld's work in the past.  I guess it isn't entirely shocking because he has an obvious arrogance. But it is foolish of Karl to disrespect women in general, does he really not realize that women are one of the largest consumer demographics and that a large part of that demographic are women who would be considered  "curvy", especially by his unrealistic standards? As for noone wanting to see curvy women, I long for the days of the nineties " supers "Cindy, Linda,Christy,Claudia and Naomi, when the most popular cover girls held my interest because they represented something I actually wanted to aspire to, CURVES! As a teen I couldn't wait to develop womanly curves, and I was behind the crowd for a long time. I also know that most of the women I know, whether they are single, dating or married, their boyfriends and husbands love their curves.
I also feel that what I saw of his collection this season was less than great. It's my personal opinion that men dominate too much of the taste making in womens fashion today and Karl's recent faux pas is a perfect example of why. Male designers should temper their ambitions with a little humility, after all they may know what women like but they are not women, they will never have a first hand experience.

So a big thumbs down to you Karl Lagerfeld, for insulting women everywhere and being thoroughly unstylish.
I hope to see more thoughtful fashion from you in the future, because maybe Anna Wintour doesn't want to see curvy women but we the people do!