What life has taught me about self-empowerment

Have you ever been in one of those lovely domestic situations where someone is being so difficult and manipulative on purpose that your eyes just glaze over and you feel like you are floating off to Cancun as the sound of that persons voice fades into the oblivion of your frustration ?. . . . . .well tonight was one of those nights for me and I thought, "Ughhh ! Not again, how can this not be my 'mess' to clean up? ".

I talked a little about this in the intro of my blog, how I feel better about my ability to navigate life and really learned my own value and to like myself, partially through a miserable situation with my new home in Wisconsin and ironically from watching my husband move like a linebacker through the social landscape. Sometimes people are just lazy or they are scared, and maybe not willing to look at their own flaws and this can cause alot of misery to sensitive and honest people who will unfortunately take all the manipulation inward and beat themselves up for being , weak, stupid, a pushover, socially inept or worst of all unloveable.

 I highly recommend a technique I learned in a book called, The Gentle art of verbal self defense by Suzette Haden Elgin. She talks about identifying and using different ways of communicating and one of them is called Computer mode( how fitting ). In my particular situation I have learned to, as one person put it   " pull back the lens " on a situation, I give myself a minute to silently say simply, " Wait just a minute".  This works really well because the person who is manipulating and driving at you is looking for an emotional breakdown from you because it makes it so easy for them to then say " See, I can't talk to you when you are like this", Crazy making , Right? . . . . . Well, . . .  not anymore.   Ms. Haden Elgin describes Computer mode as , you guessed it, emotionally flat ( on the outside anyway ) responses that give the attacked person a chance to hold thier ground while they can safely assess the true feelings and intentions of the manipulator. Some people don't realize the extent to which they manipulate.

Or as my husband would say, " Turn it back around on those jokers" He always reminded me that they were just saying cruel things to take the focus of themselves. My husband taught me through both good lessons and bad that everyone is on the same level, everyone feels insecure about certain things and if someone is judging you with particular vehemence, just make fun of them!

This a feel good picture for the evening .  . . .

Iradj Moini makes the most exquisite adornments!

All things... by vaultofheaven

MINNEAPOLIS HAS STYLE!

                           This is a view of Downtown Minneapolis from the southern side of Lake Calhoun ( in Sept )

 I am back in Minneapolis now looking for work, this difficult economic time has forced me to move back here to look for work. I really love this city, it is so clean and beautiful! The small size of Minneapolis is appealing too. It is a city full of lakes, parks, bike and walking/running  paths, small shops, indie restaurants, and art museums. I am hoping to grow my design label here in the artistic community.

Justice!

I just signed up for Twitter and was scrolling through the menu of feeds when I happened upon the U.S. Dept of Justice feed. It seemed funny at first that the DOJ had a Twitter feed but we live in changing, turbulent times when everyone is a celebrity ( Jon and Kate, Survivor, Twitter, blogs:). . . )check out the mix of celebrities and "civilians" on Twitter and it is so alien that it makes your head spin to see everyone on the same level. Maybe I sound naive though.

Getting back to the DOJ, I decided to subscribe because after taking a look at the list of headlines I was really interested. The feed is full of need to know( or want to know) facts about all aspects of justice in the U.S. I highly recommend this for any lover of justice, which I have always been. One I just read, " top 10 facts about Females victims of Violence"
This is the kind of information that empowers the people and I'm glad that the internet makes it so accessible.
It is like Angelina Jolie's tattoo,  " know your rights".

A cozy styleboard of ideas for the season

Windy City by vaultofheaven

Style from Kaboodle

Pink and Purple... by vaultofheaven

This website is free to register and use. I love playing with the styleboards. You can window shop to your hearts content and create your own style pages to share. I love this eighties inspired look I put it together with my marked favorites.

Karl Lagerfeld insults his largest audience

I saw the recent reports on Karl Lagerfeld and his comments defending the use of underweight models and how noone wants to see curvy women. I felt I must stick up for my gals, because I love fashion and beauty and I have admired Karl Lagerfeld's work in the past.  I guess it isn't entirely shocking because he has an obvious arrogance. But it is foolish of Karl to disrespect women in general, does he really not realize that women are one of the largest consumer demographics and that a large part of that demographic are women who would be considered  "curvy", especially by his unrealistic standards? As for noone wanting to see curvy women, I long for the days of the nineties " supers "Cindy, Linda,Christy,Claudia and Naomi, when the most popular cover girls held my interest because they represented something I actually wanted to aspire to, CURVES! As a teen I couldn't wait to develop womanly curves, and I was behind the crowd for a long time. I also know that most of the women I know, whether they are single, dating or married, their boyfriends and husbands love their curves.
I also feel that what I saw of his collection this season was less than great. It's my personal opinion that men dominate too much of the taste making in womens fashion today and Karl's recent faux pas is a perfect example of why. Male designers should temper their ambitions with a little humility, after all they may know what women like but they are not women, they will never have a first hand experience.

So a big thumbs down to you Karl Lagerfeld, for insulting women everywhere and being thoroughly unstylish.
I hope to see more thoughtful fashion from you in the future, because maybe Anna Wintour doesn't want to see curvy women but we the people do!